[WIP] The City-State Union

[DanielHasenbos]

Hello Guild,

It's been some time since I posted something. I have slowly been working when I had some spare time and this is the result of some of the new things I have been trying. I consider it almost done but before really finishing it I would love to get some feedback from you guys.

The map shows the City-States of Vandoria, Galindor, Galina, Dalmony and Estyria, as they are in 1653 A.D.A (After the Death of Atya) along with the basic layout of the lands surrounding it. It also shows sea routes and major land routes as it was designed for trade purposes.

Here follows a brief history of the City-State Union for anyone interested:

The City-States were once part of the great Garykia Kingdom as autonomous vassals desiring independence from the kingdom for many decades already. When the Garykian king faced major rebellions in the east of his Kingdom the City-States took their chance and declared their war for independence. After two years of war the States had occupied many inland cities and the king, who had little success suppressing either of the rebellions, was forced to sign a peace treaty granting the States their independence from his kingdom and control of all the lands occupied during the war.
In the following years there were some minor wars among the weakened States, mostly concerning territorial conquest. When the Garykia king once again set his eyes on the States and started constructing large numbers of watchtowers and forts along the borders, the City-States formed a union which became known as the City-State Union. Though relations between the States have never been superb, they have remained allies for many decades.
Today they are a major trading power in the west of the continent of Atya and have established a military force equal to the great Garykia Kingdom.

City-State Union.jpg

-Dan

[Freodin]

Hm...

Basically, a very fine map. I love maps in this style, and this is a great example. I like the very subtle colouring and I admire you for the level of detail that you put into labeling all these cities.

Yet, I think there are a number of things that really could be improved and transform this fine map into a really great map. But I fear - if you come to agree with my points - it will be a ton of work for you.

1. Composition: it just looks unbalanced.
The focus of the map is, as the title tells us, the "City-State Union". Yet these only take a tiny fraction of the space of the whole map. About half of the map - the whole western part - is just empty sea. Even with this inset-map, you could do away with a quarter of the map.

2. The inset map: placement and content
The position of the inset looks a little arbitrary... this comes, in my opinion, from the whole flawed composition and all that empty map that is there to fill. If you were to place it on the border, as it usually would be, there is still to much empty space.
My idea: make the inset bigger - a lot bigger. So you could use all that empty space without having to resize, trim or redraw your whole map.
You could also add a lot more detail to the inset map... that is another of the things that bothered me a little: there isn't that much more detail in the inset map over the island shown in the big map that an inset would be justified.

3. Labels: limited readability
The way of placing your city-labels along the coastline is rather good and it is fitting the historical style. But you should try to have your labels not overlap the coastline - this makes them harder to read quite often.
You have enough space: just pull them outwards a little.

4. U and V: what is what?
I guess you go for some kind of old latin touch by replacing U with V... but as you still use the lowercase u, it can get a little confusing. If you are not set, for reasons of style, on the U-V exchange, I think you should drop it completely.

5. The coats of arms: too much
They are great, and I can understand why you want to use them as much as possible. But the small coats of arms within the map body (depicting the capital cities, It seems?) do not really fit. The hide other map elements - never a good idea. You could use a bigger version of your city circles to show the capitals.

6. the rivers: too branched... or not enough of them
While the main rivers look excellent, the many branches of the rivers shown suggest that even very small tributaries of major rivers are shown. But in that case, there should be a lot more of shorter, smaller rivers be visible on the coastline. These fractal, bushy structures just don't look realistic. Check some real world maps to get some ideas.

7. the paper texture: too heavy
A question of taste: I think a little less opacity would be better.

8. the border: no texture
Well, just that: the texture is the paper, the medium on which the map is printed / painted. So the border should also show a paper texture, shouldn't it?

9. the rhumb lines
Again, a matter of taste. The lines themselves look very good. But personally I think that you should consider exchanging them for a graticule - of whatever projection you like. It would emphasize the more-modern style of the rest of the map.

10. Don't kill me!
This was quite a list, wasn't it? Don't take it too hard: I really like that map... that' why I want to see it perfected!

And I would be very interested to hear what you think of my critique.

[Jayharchitect]

Whoooaaa. Super beautiful! I love the elegance of its simplicity.

- First comment, use a font with a U... while I see what you were going for, because you have place names that start with V and U it gets confusing.
- The main shoreline is inconsistent on how dark it is, would love to see that a little bit more consistent.

That's all I got! Great map.

[Pixie]

Ditto to everything Freodin wrote.

Get rid of half that ocean, enlarge the inset.

I also suggest:
- move the title to have 1/3 to 1/2 of it over the useless northern coast (the cartographer is visibly unconcerned with mapping the Garykia Kingdom).
- because the Garykia Kingdom is not a concern, at least 50% of those tributary rivers to the main river system should disappear (as it is, they seem to be a key feature, and I bet they aren't)

But... for the most part, the map is very very good. It's a great piece of art, no question about it.

[GreatWhiteNorth]

I think it's good. The paper texture is intense, but I think it works with the aesthetic you're going for. The colors are good and it looks like a well thought-out region. The other posters are right, you could do this region so many favors by zooming in on your land. Truthfully the only thing that threw me off right away was the border. It looks pretty stark compared to the rest of the map and could be incorporated better with texture and more coloring (as opposed to B+W).

Nice map!

[DanielHasenbos]

@Freodin: Thanks for the critique and thanks for noticing the city labels, it took me hours and hours to label those bitches! Don't worry, it sure was a list but I agree with all of your points, except the paper texture which I will keep this way. As you said, it's a matter of personal taste. As for the rest of your feedback, I suppose I just got used to the way the map looked while I was working on it and your feedback gave me some fresh insights, thanks for that, it's going to keep me busy for a while longer.

@Jayharchitect: Thanks! I understand what mean with the V and U thing, I'll see if I can find a way to work around it. I don't really understand what you say about the coastlines, where exactly is it inconsistent to you?

@Pixie: Thank you! Great idea for the title, Yes the rivers were really just to try out some ways to do them. I'll do as you suggested and remove about half of those rivers.

@GreatWhiteNorth: Thanks!

I posted this because I really didn't know what this map needed and as I said before; I got used to the way the map looked so many flaws just didn't bother me anymore. You guys gave me some great feedback which I really needed. I suppose I'll resize the map a little, enlarge the inset and make sure to balance the map a bit more. Only have time to work on this on Wednesdays so progress will be slow.

[DanielHasenbos]

Hey everyone, it's not Wednesday yet, but I found some time to work on this map.

City-State Union copy.jpg

The main thing I did was re-size the image to put the focus on the City-States and not the surrounding lands and ocean.
I moved the inset map to the corner and enlarged it. I have not changed the contents of the inset yet, only tried to see how the new size and placement would work.
Also got rid of some of the tributary rivers, now only showing the ones leading to cities.

The thing that's definitely going to change is the placement and perhaps the design of the title, but I'm not sure how to go about that.

That's what I've done so far. Let me know what you think, I really want to hear it!

-Dan

[Vidgange]

Wow, that's a beautiful map!

I do however have two critiques: you shouldn't use V instead of U; you're not being consistent with your use of V's, as you still have city/village names spelled with U's and your also spelling the South Sea with a U. Consistency, my friend, is key if you're going for that Roman vibe.

My second "critique" is that these aren't really City States, they seem to be more like kingdoms to me. But that's just me; a city state could have a few villages and some minor cities under its control, but nothing on this level I imagine.

But it's a great map and you've done an awesome job! I'm quite impressed

[Freodin]

Now that already looks a lot better!

[DanielHasenbos]

@Vidgange: Thanks for your comment! I have spend some time working around the map to change all the u's to v's. The only ones you'll find in my next post are the ones that I missed ;P I see what you say about the city-states being more like Kingdoms. That's because of the history I wrote for this region. I posted a brief version of it in my first post on this thread. The states used to be vassals of the Garykia Kingdom as small city-states. In their rebellion against the Garykian king they conquered a lot of land but their official form of government was never changed.

Freodin: Thanks, it's for the most part because of that long list you gave me! ;D

-Dan