Quote Originally Posted by rdanhenry View Post
A box has three dimensions. You've given a size for two of them. Is the box fairly flat or closer to a cube?

Since Michelangelo was primarily a sculptor, I'd replace "paintbrush" with "chisel". This actually makes more sense of "dwarfish style", as it differentiates method rather than medium.

A "dwarf mine" would be a mine where one extracted dwarfs. Go with "dwarfish mine".

s/b "the roots... were"

The first description talks about peaks and valley. That sounds like a landscape map. Then, the second description says it is a map of a mine, with the interior tunnels and chambers displayed. These sound like two different maps.

Consider drawing out the description more. Explore the box along with your characters. Don't try to get it over with, but go over the implications. "On its backside there was a long text written in jagged dwarfish runes, which they could not read." What does that add at this point? If they cannot read them, they at least recognize them. Is this general information, or would one of the characters need to explain to the others what they were? Try rewriting with dialogue mixed in between bits of description. The one clear thing about the map is that it is in layers. Explore that. Stretch things out a bit, so that we get one layer, explore that a bit, and only then move on to the next. And use the reactions of the characters to let the reader know what parts of the description are significant (or should at least appear significant at this point). I think you actually need to use more words, add more detail, to get the description you want, if this item is actually important (for example, fill out what "a grand city" means here... is it just that there are a lot of openings into the mountain, or are there carved towers and elaborate balconies?), but in order to keep the reader with you, it should be mixed with character reactions that will (a) help keep the reader's interest, (b) help the reader understand the significance of the features described in the context of your world, and (c) allow you to express the characters through their reaction to the map.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my text and analyse it

These are really great and useful points that you point out!

I never thought that it was more words I needed, but I see exactly what you mean.

I will get right to work fixing these things.