The Khanate of Katlam

[rdanhenry]

I love all the little buildings and ships. The border is nice. The landscape is good. I think the ridgelines on the mountain ranges could maybe be a little thinner (or the other linework on the mountains a bit thicker), as they kind of jump out at me and distract from the mountains as a whole. The only other thing I can criticize is the label. Both the text and the decorative element have a lumpiness to them, as if drawn with a slightly shaky hand that couldn't be bothered to use a ruler to get a straight edge on the linear parts. It also has a shadow to it that makes it seem like an added element stuck on top of the map. I think it is the combination of these features that bothers me. I would suggest considering going back to a scroll, but using a neat, stylized scroll suggesting a more advanced time period than the ragged scroll you first used. Scrolls are still used as a decorative labeling element, but the tend to be a bit fancier and more ribbon-like. Also, not ragged and showing holes. Also, if "Albahr Aleazim" is the name of the ocean, I would move it back up to where it was. Moving it down not only has left the top of the map rather empty, it could be labeling either the ocean or the islands/the big island.

Also, could you maybe add a couple of ships under sail? There's lots of those nifty little ships, but they're all in port with sails furled. It'd be great to see some in action.

[Greason Wolfe]

It looks good to me. Like the colors and subtle shifts from one to the other. The only thing that didn't stand out for me was the labeling on the land masses, it seems to be a little too light in some areas where the background coloring is also light. Maybe a slightly stronger border around the lettering would make it stand out a little better. But not super heavy, just a tiny bit more is all, and half-blind people like me might have an easier time reading. As for the rest, I'm digging it.

[- JO -]

I love all the little buildings and ships. The border is nice. The landscape is good. I think the ridgelines on the mountain ranges could maybe be a little thinner (or the other linework on the mountains a bit thicker), as they kind of jump out at me and distract from the mountains as a whole. The only other thing I can criticize is the label. Both the text and the decorative element have a lumpiness to them, as if drawn with a slightly shaky hand that couldn't be bothered to use a ruler to get a straight edge on the linear parts. It also has a shadow to it that makes it seem like an added element stuck on top of the map. I think it is the combination of these features that bothers me. I would suggest considering going back to a scroll, but using a neat, stylized scroll suggesting a more advanced time period than the ragged scroll you first used. Scrolls are still used as a decorative labeling element, but the tend to be a bit fancier and more ribbon-like. Also, not ragged and showing holes. Also, if "Albahr Aleazim" is the name of the ocean, I would move it back up to where it was. Moving it down not only has left the top of the map rather empty, it could be labeling either the ocean or the islands/the big island.

Also, could you maybe add a couple of ships under sail? There's lots of those nifty little ships, but they're all in port with sails furled. It'd be great to see some in action.

Thanks a lot Rdanhenry, for your very complete report ! I'm glad you took time to speak your mind, and I found it very helpful ! Though I liked my title pretty much, you were right about the style, that doesn't match the style of the map... (I'll keep this title and use it elsewhere, for a more "approximative" map)

You'll see here that I tried a new cartouche, I hope you'll have time to let me know what you think !

And thanks again for your idea of some ships sailing ! Here again, you're absolutely right : the seas seems very empty so... And I'll enjoy a lot drawing some ships going around !

It looks good to me. Like the colors and subtle shifts from one to the other. The only thing that didn't stand out for me was the labeling on the land masses, it seems to be a little too light in some areas where the background coloring is also light. Maybe a slightly stronger border around the lettering would make it stand out a little better. But not super heavy, just a tiny bit more is all, and half-blind people like me might have an easier time reading. As for the rest, I'm digging it.

Thanks Greason Wolfe for taking the time to write your comment ! You are right : from far, one could absolutely not read or even see the labels. I made the outline thicker (one pixel !) And I think it makes all the difference ! See here if you can tell the difference :

Latest WIP :

Khanat of Katlam 04.jpg

[DanielHasenbos]

This is really a great piece Jo (: I especially love the city icons/illustrations. They have so much character!

[Ilanthar]

The new cartouche is great! It's a very fine map, Jo .

[- JO -]

This is really a great piece Jo (: I especially love the city icons/illustrations. They have so much character!

Thanks Daniel ! I'm glad you like the cities !

The new cartouche is great! It's a very fine map, Jo .

Thanks Ilanthar, I think I found the right cartouche !

Here's a new update, maybe the last... according to the critics and comments.

I added ships, finished the labels and added a second cartouche, with a sort of "exhortation" for the Khanate... It seems they are very proud of themselve in this country ;D

latest wip :
Khanat of Katlam 05.jpg

Actually, I'm not completely sure about the second cartouche... or its location... Maybe I should have put it elsewhere... or simply not doing it...

[Mouse]

I think the title cartouche is much better now

Not really sure about the other one. Maybe it needs to be tall, rather than wide, and have a title, like the name of the prayer/poem/chant, or whatever, and then an acknowledgement of the author at the bottom of the piece? Don't really know!

[- JO -]

I think the title cartouche is much better now

Not really sure about the other one. Maybe it needs to be tall, rather than wide, and have a title, like the name of the prayer/poem/chant, or whatever, and then an acknowledgement of the author at the bottom of the piece? Don't really know!

Thanks Mouse

I see what you mean... but I'm kind of stuck for the position of such a cartouche... I don’t know where I could put it without taking too much of the map. Have you an idea about that, because I think you’re right : it would look better if it was longer with a title

[Mouse]

I was about to say "Ah, I didn't think about that, did I", when I suddenly remembered a recent challenge entry. I think it was ChickPea's map of a battle a few months ago.

Anyway. ChickPea had this wonderful idea of putting the song of the battle all the way around the map as the border, in a clockwise direction.

I quite like your existing border, even though it is rather black and white compared to the rest of the map, but if you really want that little piece you could do it like that, maybe?

[rdanhenry]

The new scroll cartouche is great! I think that the overall design is well-balanced now and the second scroll fits well where it is.

The text, however, does not quite match the map: "Gihrk Osshir" or "Gihrk Ossihr"? "Ohrit-Hal" or "Orhit-Hal"?

Whoo-hoo! Ships under sail!